Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize