i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Your penis caused this!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
