After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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