why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
