Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
