Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
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She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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