She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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