oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
