You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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