I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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