I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
