He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
