I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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