Im at strip club and am horny
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
