Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
