Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
