so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
