did you get engaged???
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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