i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
