plz talk dirty to me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
