Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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