I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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