Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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