let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis