i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
