So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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