I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
