I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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