i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
