I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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