U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
