Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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