I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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