Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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