The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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