I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
