Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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