im drinking this country out of the recession.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.