you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃