I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.