I wish I could teleport
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.