Dude i fell asleep inside of her
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
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She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.