Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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