Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
