the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.