I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
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is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO