My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong