ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he was CRYING into my vagina
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways