guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind