So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book