at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening