Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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