Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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