I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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