she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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