also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize