Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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