That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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