Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
