I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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